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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ?When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the glass of water. If I get nervous, I take a sip.?
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office he found the following note on his door :
1. Sip the vodka, don?t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jason wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We did not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, he was not stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big T
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,? Take this and eat it, for it is my body ?, he did not say ? Eat me ?.
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the , ?Mary with the Cherry ?
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not ? rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah god.?
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